Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Free Associating

I had hoped to put up the first post in a series on the subject of "Why do grown people use immature defenses" today. You may notice that I didn't. Although I have been working diligently on it for the last two weeks, I realized it had just became a little unmanageable when I discovered I had written about 20 typed pages on the subject.

I think I need to let it all simmer around in my brain for a few days so that the really essential elements will come together in my mind in some sort of coherent manner. So, I decided to put it aside for a while and approach it with a fresh perspective this weekend.

I'm telling you all this (not that you want to know) because I have this inexplicable desire to make you understand how terribly difficult it is to be creative, original, articulate, and incredibly damn brilliant every single friggen day.

Sometimes I just HATE blogging. @%!!&**#@

OK. Now that I've got that out of my system, I begin to see that I have too high expectations of both myself and blogging. As my ONE YEAR Blogiversary is coming up in the next month, I suppose I really expected that by now I would rival Instapundit and Powerline as the greatest, most famousest (?), most special blog ever. Certainly I expected that I would solve at least a few of the world's problems with my incisive thinking. And that everyone would love me (or hate me--either one, I don't mind!)

My grandiose fantasies break through every once in a while, before I reel in them in. Or rather, before my loving family does. Somehow Mother's Day has made me feel guilty about all the time I spend on this blog!

Does any of this make sense? No, it doesn't to me either. So, I think I'm going to get a good night's sleep and stop thinking about it today. I'll think about it all tomorrow (/channeling Scarlet O'hara).

Boy, talk about why grown people use immature defenses!

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